Katie Cassidy, Please Marry Me

Since most of the attractive girls in the Binghamton, NY area have threatened me with restraining orders (you know who you are, blondies), I've decided that I'm going to have to stick with Hollywood starletts for my love needs. I'm just worried that my celebrity is going to prevent me from finding the one, you know?

Now that I've seen two ads for the new Nightmare on Elm Street, I'm officially in love with Katie Cassidy. She's the one who screams in the classroom.




The film is now playing.

I'll see you soon, Katie. Which dark alley works for you?

My Imaginary Girlfriend is Hotter than Your Imaginary Girlfriend

Ahhh, let's see. Which torrid love affair with a famous starlet do I tell you about first? There are so many to choose from...

Oh, yes. I'm currently in love with Ashley Greene, the lovely young lady from the Twilight films and those risque Sobe commercials.

Ashley and I have been talking a lot about whether or not things can work out between us. She told me she loved me, but we're both in demand so much that it's hard to find time to love each other. I mean, she's a rising movie star that has to make a new vampire movie every three weeks, and my employer in Binghamton, NY demands that I show up Monday through Friday from 6 to 3. It's hard to be a big deal.

Ashley, baby, I still think about you. I've got a lot of love to give, but I can't wait forever.

ValkyrieSDF1