Mom and Dad, I Have Something to Tell You...

No, not what you think. But I did watch the second Twilight film, New Moon, last night.

Um, there were girls there. Real ones. So that makes it okay. I saw it with a group of friends, and some of them were girls. But I still refuse to see these movies in theaters, no matter how much I want to be a movie critic. The only thing that could drag to a theater to see one of these in public is a smokin' girlfriend, but Jessica Alba and I are broken up right now.

So anyway, I was thinking about... holy crap! Did you see Taylor Lautner as Jacob in this thing? Look at him! He's like 12 but has the body of a Greek god. No wonder tween girls love these movies.

By the way, it was hard for me to watch you in that movie last night, Ashley. Come back to me. I miss you.

ValkyrieSDF1

My Imaginary Girlfriend is Hotter than Your Imaginary Girlfriend

Ahhh, let's see. Which torrid love affair with a famous starlet do I tell you about first? There are so many to choose from...

Oh, yes. I'm currently in love with Ashley Greene, the lovely young lady from the Twilight films and those risque Sobe commercials.

Ashley and I have been talking a lot about whether or not things can work out between us. She told me she loved me, but we're both in demand so much that it's hard to find time to love each other. I mean, she's a rising movie star that has to make a new vampire movie every three weeks, and my employer in Binghamton, NY demands that I show up Monday through Friday from 6 to 3. It's hard to be a big deal.

Ashley, baby, I still think about you. I've got a lot of love to give, but I can't wait forever.

ValkyrieSDF1